Is He Emotionally Available? Find Out On The First Date

Forget what you’re looking for in a match (if you want a secure, thriving relationship)

Are you wanting to attract a high quality partner in the new year? If you’d love to meet someone emotionally intelligent, caring, and excited for a committed relationship, you might want to reconsider your dating criteria.

For example, is emotional availability on your list?

While the spark based on chemistry is important, knowing how to assess for compatibility early on is going to save you years of confusion and heartache (trust me, I learned the hard way).

I spent most of my life getting excited about men who were attractive, charming, funny…and painfully emotionally unavailable. After months, sometimes years, of dating these dudes, things would crash and burn. Looking back as early as the first date, there were signs I wish I’d seen.

Once you know what questions to ask, and what to look for, you’ll quickly know if someone should get a second date with you. And by the end of this article, you’ll learn exactly what those things are.

Why Does Emotional Availability Matter?

Uncovering someone’s level of emotional availability means going beyond the typical dating qualifiers like appearance, career, or even hobbies. Think values, self-awareness, and capacity for intimacy.

Some people naturally feel most comfortable with a higher level of independence, have trouble connecting to their feelings, and tend to want space when things get serious in dating.

How to Know if a Man Is Emotionally Available

If you want to find someone who shows affection, shares their feelings, and is invested in the long term, consider the following questions.

Does he deflect personal questions?

Asking first date questions like what he values, what he’s looking for in his love life (don’t assume because you’re on a date, he’s looking for a life partner), and what goals he has, will give you insight into if you’re on the same page.

If someone is emotionally unavailable, they’ll likely give short answers, or deflect the questions altogether. This is because expressing their own personal feelings may feel uncomfortable or difficult. Is the conversation surface level, or is he open to going deeper?

What’s his body language say?

You can tell a lot about someone by their presence. Is he closed off, with arms crossed, or leaning back in his chair if you lean forward? Does he do a quick tap on your shoulder or knee to initiate physical closeness? Is he checking his phone constantly, or intently listening to you?

Are all his exes crazy?

The way someone speaks about why their past relationships ended tells you alot. Does he acknowledge his part in the dynamic, or does he speak in extremes, like all of his ex-girlfriends were dramatic?

What you’re looking for here is personal accountability for his part. If he’s unable to see that he played a role in past relationship dynamics, he’s likely to do the same in the future. If he’s gone years without a serious relationship because he hasn’t found someone who meets his standards, he may have unrealistic expectations that will be difficult to meet.

Does he play nice with others?

Watch the way he interacts with strangers and wait staff. Does he hold the door open for the person behind him? Does he make snarky comments about the food taking too long at a restaurant? These social cues give a peek into how he may interact with someone on a more personal level.

You CAN Find an Emotionally Available Man

By staying present (check out this article if you often feel insecure on dates), you can learn a lot about true compatibility with someone early on. With a little practice, assessing whether or not a man is emotional available–and attracting one who is–will become second nature.

For more help detecting if your date is emotionally available, listen to this episode of my podcast, The Irresistible Woman.

Forget What You Look for in a Match (If You Want a Secure, Thriving Relationship)

Are you wanting to attract a high quality partner in the new year? If you’d love to meet someone emotionally intelligent, caring, and excited for a committed relationship, you might want to reconsider your dating criteria. For example, is emotional availability on your list?

While the spark based on chemistry is important, knowing how to assess for compatibility early on is going to save you years of confusion and heartache (trust me, I learned the hard way).

I spent most of my life getting excited about men who were attractive, charming, funny…and painfully emotionally unavailable. After months, sometimes years, of dating these dudes, things would crash and burn. Looking back as early as the first date, there were signs I wish I’d seen.

Once you know what questions to ask, and what to look for, you’ll quickly know if someone should get a second date with you. And by the end of this article, you’ll learn exactly what those things are.

Why Does Emotional Availability Matter?

Uncovering someone’s level of emotional availability means going beyond the typical dating qualifiers like appearance, career, or even hobbies. Think values, self-awareness, and capacity for intimacy.

Some people naturally feel most comfortable with a higher level of independence, have trouble connecting to their feelings, and tend to want space when things get serious in dating.

How to Know if a Man Is Emotionally Available

If you want to find someone who shows affection, shares their feelings, and is invested in the long term, consider the following questions.

Does he deflect personal questions?

Asking first date questions like what he values, what he’s looking for in his love life (don’t assume because you’re on a date, he’s looking for a life partner), and what goals he has, will give you insight into if you’re on the same page.

If someone is emotionally unavailable, they’ll likely give short answers, or deflect the questions altogether. This is because expressing their own personal feelings may feel uncomfortable or difficult. Is the conversation surface level, or is he open to going deeper?

What’s his body language say?

You can tell a lot about someone by their presence. Is he closed off, with arms crossed, or leaning back in his chair if you lean forward? Does he do a quick tap on your shoulder or knee to initiate physical closeness? Is he checking his phone constantly, or intently listening to you?

Are all his exes crazy?

The way someone speaks about why their past relationships ended tells you alot. Does he acknowledge his part in the dynamic, or does he speak in extremes, like all of his ex-girlfriends were dramatic?

What you’re looking for here is personal accountability for his part. If he’s unable to see that he played a role in past relationship dynamics, he’s likely to do the same in the future. If he’s gone years without a serious relationship because he hasn’t found someone who meets his standards, he may have unrealistic expectations that will be difficult to meet.

Does he play nice with others?

Watch the way he interacts with strangers and wait staff. Does he hold the door open for the person behind him? Does he make snarky comments about the food taking too long at a restaurant? These social cues give a peek into how he may interact with someone on a more personal level.

You CAN Find an Emotionally Available Man

By staying present (check out this article if you often feel insecure on dates), you can learn a lot about true compatibility with someone early on. With a little practice, assessing whether or not a man is emotional available–and attracting one who is–will become second nature.

For more help detecting if your date is emotionally available, listen to this episode of my podcast, The Irresistible Woman.