8 Simple but Powerful Ways to Make Online Dating Work
You CAN make online dating work for you
In this post I’m going to show you exactly how to make online dating work for you. I’ll give you eight simple but powerful strategies and tactics that can transform your online dating experience from a chore to something you truly enjoy (and that gets you the results you want).
This tried and true approach has helped dozens of my clients be successful in online dating, and it helped me meet the love of my life.
Let’s dive right in.
We’ve all heard the horror stories
Maybe you have a few of your own? Those times you felt courageous enough to try online dating, and it turned out to be a total flop. Maybe the promising profile you matched with ghosted you after exchanging a few messages. You met up with someone, only to find they looked nothing like their pictures. Life got busy and endless swiping isn’t at the top of your list.
For all the failed attempts to make online dating work, you’ve also likely heard the success stories. Those couples who met online and are now starting a family, traveling together, and doing the things you’d love to be doing with someone special. I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing this firsthand on many occasions.
How to succeed in online dating
Online dating is an incredible technology that allows us to connect with potential matches easier than ever. It’s worked for millions of couples and it can work for you too.
Unfortunately, most people get discouraged and give up before they see results, especially if they’re following old online dating rules. Here are eight things you can do to make online dating work better:
1. Have a relaxed mindset
Are you viewing online dating as a chore, or something draining your energy? The way you feel prior to logging into a dating app impacts your association to it. Do a quick self-care routine before you swipe and notice the difference. When you feel grounded, relaxed, and calm, you’re more likely to enjoy the process and have better results.
2. Work through your dating insecurities
We all have insecurities around dating and if you think you don’t, you’re most likely just out of touch with them. Be sure to also work through any dating insecurities you may have. If you don’t, they’ll undermine your efforts.
3. Align your dating profile to what you’re looking for
This might sound obvious, but most people don’t do it and it’s low-hanging fruit for making online dating work.
An effective online dating profile does several things. It repels people who aren’t compatible with your life vision and values while magnetizing those who resonate with your vibe. The key here is to own what you bring to the table and make it known up front.
For instance, if you’re wanting to start a family in the next couple years, have strong spiritual or religious beliefs, or any other non-negotiables, save yourself time and heartache by sharing this in the body of your profile.
Choose pictures for your profile that show you in a variety of settings. This is your chance to give someone a glimpse into what life could look like together.
4. Make it easy to connect
We all have shorter attention spans these days, so make it super easy for someone to message you online. If you write out your entire life story in a dating profile, it leaves little to be shared on a first date. Instead, try sharing a few key points about you, then wrap up with a question or invitation to reach out.
For example, if you like hiking and really want to meet someone who shares a love for the outdoors, you could end your profile with, “I’m always looking for great new trails to check out around town. If you have any recommendations, feel free to message me and share.” Or, “I’m planning a trip to Italy this spring. If you’ve got any must-see recommendations, I’d love to hear!”
What you’re doing is allowing others to self-identify as having similar interests and values, and giving them a simple way to break the ice.
5. Avoid excessive texting
One of the biggest complaints I hear as a dating coach is the pattern of spending too much time in dead-end messaging conversations that don’t evolve into a real date. After you’ve exchanged a few messages online and have a sense that you’re interested in someone, feel free to hold boundaries with your time and energy. Take steps to move things forward–or move on.
6. Suggest a short phone call or video chat
If you’d rather not text back and forth wondering where things are going, you can warmly suggest that you move to a short phone or video chat call. In fact, I encourage my clients to set this up as a pre-date screening measure. This gives you a chance to feel out the dynamic and decide if you’d like to move forward with an in-person date.
7. To save time and energy, call your dates a “meet and greet”
Let’s face it, spending hours on a date with someone you sense isn’t a great fit is a surefire way to get burned out on dating. But it doesn’t have to be that way. When meeting someone off a dating app, a great first step is to arrange a ‘meet and greet’. It’s a less pressured way to connect in person for a shorter period (think coffee or cocktail, versus sit down dinner).
8. Find out if your date is emotionally available
Save yourself time and heartache by figuring out early on whether they are capable of true intimacy. To assess emotional availability, pay attention to how someone responds to personal questions, body language, what they say about exes and how they treat waitstaff.
Ladies: don’t miss my post on how to know if a man emotionally available on the first date.
Online dating really can work
With a few simple shifts, online dating can not only be enjoyable, but effective in finding your perfect match. Find a way to make it work for you and the winds will be at your back.
