What if I told you there’s a hack for online dating success?

No, it’s not all about crafting the perfect profile, or having witty one-liners ready to message at a moment’s notice. This dating hack, specifically designed for women, breaks the rules and goes against most popular dating advice. But it creates real results.

The story of how I met my partner Shaun on Meet Mindful, which I will share later in this post, is proof.

Are you following old dating rules?

While nice pictures and a well written bio are helpful (for tips on a great profile, head here), they’re only part of the equation for finding your person online. And if you’ve spent any amount of time swiping, you know there’s a lot of opportunity for connection. Don’t let someone great pass by because you’re trying to online date the way you think you “should”.

When women first start working with me for love coaching, they often share dating rules they’ve been trying to follow (with little success). Rules like waiting for the man to initiate contact on an app, waiting for him to ask you out, or waiting for the same amount of time to respond to a message (for instance, if it took three hours for him to text you, you wait three hours to respond).

Do you notice a theme here?

Somewhere along the way, most women seem to have picked up the message that they get the guy by always waiting for him to make the move, hoping he reads your mind, and wishing for things to be different without actually making it known.

Some rules are meant to be broken

When I was single, I spent many years stuck in waiting energy, and was often frustrated. I felt the conflict of wanting to do one thing in dating, but trying to follow the “right” approach instead.

After much work on my boundaries, communication, and confidence, I gave myself permission to release the dating rules that didn’t feel like me, and create my own rules instead. I also had come to a place in my love life where I was genuinely excited to connect with people on apps, regardless of outcome. Letting go of the pressure for every match to be “the one” allowed me to see the gift in each person, even if it didn’t lead to a relationship.

How to hack your success

Forget everything you know and apply these new online dating rules instead. They’re guaranteed to shift the dynamic between you and your date.

1. Don’t be afraid to ask him out first

When I matched with my partner Shaun online, I asked him out first. I’d never done this before, but I was headed to an event that I thought he’d enjoy as well. He declined, already busy with other plans. I chose to still go out that night by myself and appreciated my own company because I was unattached to Shaun saying yes to me.

2. Don’t hold back

We had our first date a few days later, and the sparks immediately flew. So much so, that Shaun asked me out for the following night. Maybe I should have declined so as to not look “too available” (another dating rule that I think should be thrown out), but I was hooked on how good it felt to listen to my own intuition in dating, so I said “yes”. Following my inner compass has been the foundation for a successful relationship, and I believe it’s the cornerstone for you as well.

3. Be authentic (your person wants to see the real you)

Many online dating users make the mistake of creating a persona that’s based on what they think will make them the most attractive to others, including the way they communicate. The truth is that soul-level connections aren’t built from wearing masks. The right person wants to know the real you, and you can start by asking yourself what feels most true to you when using apps. Want to message him first? Ask him out? Find out what he’s looking for? Go there!

Out with the old, in with the new

Take today’s blog as an invitation to ditch the rigid rules of online dating and hack your success by being more self-expressed. Implement these changes and you’ll start to notice a difference immediately. And remember, your authentic self is your most attractive quality.